Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Worst New Year

Yes my post title is correct. Why?
Because of events that caused it.
I've put off this post(s) for a couple months now, because I could bring myself to talk about it.
I was able to tell you about Luke death, and a couple posts about me missing him. But that was all.
So here's the real stuff, or should I say in depth story. 

Wednesday, December 28 2011
Quite frankly I remember nothing of the morning because of such a mind blowing afternoon
 Alexis (Alex), Aaron's fiance had come over because we were going buy supplies to make cake-pops because of a cook-book she had given me for Christmas. But my Mom and Grandma, and Grandpa had gone out to lunch so we were waiting for them to get home so I could leave. 
They all came home... and our adoption agency had been trying to get a hold of us. Everyone got excited be we anticipated that it was about our long awaited LOA. 
So as Alex and I watch Barbie, Nutcracker, Mom talks on the phone. 
After a minute Mom runs upstairs crying.
Alex looks at me, I began to cry and ran to the bathroom.
In my heart I knew why there were tears, but my mind would not believe what my heart was telling me. 

Luke can't die... he doesn't have a deathly need.
No! It's nothing like that!

Despite the events, Alex and I still left for the store.
While in the car she asked,
"So, is your Mom okay?"
"I have no idea, i'm not even sure what was wrong."
The entire trip my stomach had the feeling you have when you know you've done something wrong and your parents found out, or right before you get up in-front of a bunch of people. 
It would go away.

We arrive home. I sat waiting, for something, the horrible silence made my stomach all the worse. Where were Mom and Dad. Why were they keeping to themselves. Oh how I wish they had, because they came down stairs and sat us all around. 
I knew what was going to be told, and it hurt, more than any hurt I had, had before.
Luke had died. The day after my birthday! Right after my joy came sorrow. And bitter weeping. 
I physically could believe this could happen to me. Death happens but not to me, not to my brother. 
Why? After all You've done for this adoption, Why?

I was numb, broken, unable to move and to stop tears.
But I moved, to my room were I cried more. I turned the picture of Luke's face over, I could even look into his precious eyes. They eyes that were so full of life. 
I took out my DVD player and put in Dolphin Tale that I just got. 
I went to scene selection and watched the scene where a little girl in a wheel chair visits Winter.
I'm not sure why. But I did!

That night was unbearable. I spent most of it crying, and blowing my nose, then crying some more. Till I was out.

Part 2 to come!!


Joy ~ Doodlebug ~ said...

Oh goodness--I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine...I have a little brother from China (also named Luke). And from knowing how the process goes--I can't imagine losing a child after loving and praying and working so hard to bring them home! You guys are in my prayers, although I know this happened a little while back.

God bless you!
Joy :D

Emma said...

Thanks Joy!

Lauren said...

Oh Emma! That made me cry! I know how hard that must have been, and how hard it still is. I would have been HARDBROKEN if my little Luke from China died. Your family is still in my prayers, and I know one thing. God NEVER gives us anything that is to hard for us to go through. I had to think about that while my mom and dad were in China, even though that is nothing compared to what you had to go through :)

Praying for you today!!