After Luke's
death, I felt as if I had been shoved into a dark closet. Isolated, angry, and bitter. On the outside I had it all together, but on the inside I was shattered into a million pieces. Nothing made me feel better, and I didn't want to think about Luke or anything that had to do with him. Especially adoption and SN orphans. A week or two after his death, I saw an email that said we could pick up another adoption where we stopped. I was so angry with the agency.
Another adoption? No child will ever fill Luke's spot.
I was afraid, I didn't want to experience that horrible heartbreak ever again.
For those of you who follow
Stefanie's blog, remember when she posted about
gus? Well I really didn't think about him at all. However she posted about him
again. This time with a link to watch videos. I watched the video and look at the other children. Then I saw
Jake. (Password jake1) All my fears went away and I fell in love. I watched the video over and over again. However, I moved on. The next week he kept coming back to mind and I had several dreams of him being with our family. Finally I had to show someone this precious boy. So I did, but my Mom was not enthusiastic about him, at all. So I thought that was the end, just another kid who must stay orphaned. He still didn't go away, and it turned out my Mom did try to see if he was available for adoption. He was, but with another agency, and there were at least four other families waiting to view his file. There was no chance, someone was going to adopt him. That evening at church, the message: God's delay's are NOT his denials. Coincidence? I think not.
The week passed and every time I thought of someone else adopting him I felt sick. Then one Sunday Mom and Dad said they had Jake's file. My thought,
Then why aren't we telling the agency we'll take him? They wanted to talk to doctors about his SN and pray. Jake's special need is
Arthrogryposis. The next Sunday as my Dad and I are driving home Dad told me that they had accepted Jake's file. I was overjoyed, and not sure how to react. Before I saw Jake I was so afraid of adoption with SN. But my fears were no where when Jake was around.
While my Dad and I were driving home, my Mom called. They just moved Jake into the "Shunyi Foster Home."
He had taken Luke's spot in the foster home.
Crazy, right? Right after we accepted his file, he was transferred to Luke's foster home.
Needless to say everyone was mind-boggled for the next few days.
Luke was a super-special boy, and I think he wanted us to have Jake, he wants us to help other distressed and alone orphans.
So without further a due, I introduce to you..
My new little brother!
